We have 5 tips to get the most out of marriage counseling.
Tip #1: Choose the right therapist
Not every therapist who calls themselves a marriage counselor is qualified and able to help.
So many people waste time and money on someone who is well meaning but simply can’t help. Despite good intentions, many therapists just don't have the training to help you.
It’s common practice to see kids, families, teens, 10 different individual issues, and then add couples to the mix and they just don't have the time and energy to devote to the needs of everyone.
That is why we devote 100% of our time and energy to training, researching, and developing methods to help couples and individuals with relationship issues period.
The methods we use are backed by scientific data showing that it works. We have been doing this for a combined 40+ years. We have seen every possible issue that faces a couple today.
About 75-80% of our couples need about 15-20 hours of therapy from start to finish. There are some issues that require more or less time. We share more about that in the online video orientation you can access HERE.
Tip #2: Consider out of network providers
I know it sounds a little strange. It’s a little known fact is that therapists hate working with insurance panels. Most therapists who can get word of mouth referrals and can stay off insurance panels do.
Insurance companies dictate the care of the patient. They dictate how long sessions can be and how many sessions will be covered. So instead of the professional being able to provide the right treatment they are bound by a third party who doesn’t know the needs of the individual clients.
They also dictate the pay of the therapist. They don’t pay enough to keep up with the rising educational demands on the therapist. The therapist needs to keep up with the latest in research and go to trainings. But insurance panels don’t pay enough to allow the therapist to get better.
So the therapist ends up taking on any and all client issues. Never specializing. They have a lot of work but little pay so they don’t have time or resources to improve their skills. It’s a terrible cycle.
So if you’re looking at your insurance’s list of in network providers, chances are, you’re not going to find a skilled specialist. You’re much better off googling.
Tip #3: Stay consistent
We offer several choices. Most therapists offer a weekly option…we do as well…in fact our sessions are longer than most therapists to give you more time.
We recommend longer sessions than the average therapist because couples who come in are motivated and ready to see change in their relationship. The longer we spread it out the less momentum and the more life gets in the way.
So why not take off less work, spend less on a baby sitter, and see change faster by knocking out counseling in much less time then traditional couples counseling? It only makes sense.
But we must warn you, if you choose weekly counseling or coaching consistency is important.
Some counselors say that every other week or twice a month for an hour is okay, but we have seen thousands of couples, maybe more than anyone else in the state, and if couples are skipping weeks in the beginning it can slow down your progress.
Now I must reiterate the part about “in the beginning”…..there does come a time where couples can do every other week or monthly. We also can give couples homework if they need miss a week or two.
But most of the work is done in the session with the therapist.
Tip #4: Follow the therapist's instructions
The counselor will ask you to take a risk from time to time. But they will help you and guide you in the process. It is important to talk about those fears so be honest with yourself, your spouse, and the counselor.
Sometimes couples appreciate homework and sometimes couples find homework overwhelming.
Homework is available if you would like it. Sometimes it is recommended and sometimes you will want to ask for it.
But nonetheless, following the counselor's instructions during and after of your visits will help you make the most of counseling.
Tip #5: Surround yourself with good people
It is so important to surround yourself with good friends and family. People who are honest and care about your marriage thriving.
Get away from anyone who talks bad about your spouse. Get away from people who make unwise life choices.
Drinking excessively and going to bars without your spouse can be a recipe for disaster. Be careful who you befriend. This is one important way to heal relationship injuries.
You may be able to go around emotionally unhealthy family and friends when your relationship is in a good place. But while you are working on healing your marriage stay away! They can be toxic killers of your bond. Don’t let them destroy your good work.
